


I'm gay, full homo, no hetero

by DykeOnABike



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Bisexual Evan Hansen, Connor Murphy Lives (Dear Evan Hansen), F/F, Gay Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Gay Jared Kleinman, M/M, Mentions of musicals, Multi, Noah Klienman (oc), Original Character(s), So is the author, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, We'll see what happens - Freeform, author definitly did not use self inserts, jared is a hoe, jared is a weeb, mentions of bang dream, mentions of steven universe, noah is jared's sister, trans orginal character, uwus are used
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-09-18 07:32:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16990716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DykeOnABike/pseuds/DykeOnABike
Summary: I'm sorry for whoever is reading this. Jared is a snarky bastard, Evan is a bean, Connor is gay. Let's go





	1. Gotta love some stuffs

**Author's Note:**

> Yep, we’re doing this. I have no and all regrets. It’s deh. I’m scared. Let’s go.

Connor Murphy was always on the side or in the background. Nobody cared about him, and why would they? He was unstable. If he was gone no one noticed. Until one fateful day.

‘C-O-N-N-O-R,’ Scrawled across Evan Hansen’s cast. “Y-you really d-didn’t have t-to do that.” Evan blushes and stumbles out. 

“I know, that’s what makes me so nice.” Crap. Evan loves Wicked. Why’d he have to say it?

“Y-you know w-Wicked, is my fav-favourite musical.” 

“Yeah, I know a bunch of musicals. Sweeney Todd is my favourite.” Oh god, Connor Murphy. The Connor Murphy has a crush on Evan Hansen. Connor unknowingly blushes, which makes Evan blush, which makes Connor blush harder. “That’s cute,” Connor thought. Only he didn’t think it, he said it. Out loud. 

“What?”

“What? Oh. Fuck. Sorr-

“N-no, it’s okay.” Evan blushes a darker pink. 

“I, uh.” The weed boy didn’t know what to say. “I mean you are cute.” He had to finish what he started.

“T-t-thank you!” Evan’s voice cracked. His face turned a bright crimson.

“You’re welcome,” was this flirting? Whatever it was both boys liked it. “I’m gay, full homo, no hetero.” Why are you like this Murphy? Flirt all you want, but what was this?

“Oh, I d-don’t- I’m not st-straight. Probably. I think I’m b-bi.” Connor was internally screaming, he had a chance. Probably. I didn’t matter. 

“That’s good, ahem, that’s cool.” The tol boi made his voice gruff and deeper. Even he was disappointed that he did that. He grinned, tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, and giggled. Which, by the way, is one of the most adorable things a person can do. Evan could feel his face starting to heat up.  
“Here’s my number, maybe we could hang out, or something,” The brunette scribbled some digits on a piece of scrap paper. He handed it over to Evan. “Now, we can talk without having awkward social interactions.” 

“I hear th-that.” The smol boi accidentally yelled. “Sorry,” he whispered, trying to cover up his mistake. Connor chuckled, damn this kid was adorkable.  
Suddenly, a short, cocky boy came marching up. 

“Sup, homos. Hey Evan.” Jared winked at the tree child. Evan smiled back.

“Hello Jared,” Connor winced, stop ruining his chance. Jared kissed Evan’s cheek. “What?”

“Oh? You didn’t know, were dating.” Jared smirked. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Connor yelled. “I thought we were flirting!”

“Yo-you didn’t ask?” Wrong move, buddy. “B-but it’s okay! We can still go out.” Evan smiled weakly.

“You were flirting?” Jared questioned. “How’d he do?” Connor said nothing, just stared. “Look, I know you think I’m joking, but we’re working on his flirting game.” He was confuzzled, he untucked his hair and rolled up his sleeves. Jared ruffled Evan’s hair.

“He did pretty well,” Connor mumbled.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Being the snarky, snide, sarcastic bastard he is, Jared must dig deep to annoy him.

“I said ‘he did pretty well.’” Connor was not amused; Jared, however, was very.

“Evan is right, though, we can still go out. Go out on a date with him and I.”

“Him and me,” Connor corrected.

“Whatever, babe,” He put his hand on the tallest boy’s cheek.

He smacked Jared’s hand away. “Don’t call me babe.”

“You’re right,” Jared went into a whisper “That’s for later.” Connor and Evan blushed so hard. “Wink,” Jared winked. “I’ll see you both tomorrow. On our date.” He kissed them both and skipped off smirking confidently, very proud of himself.

“Wow.” Evan smiled.

“Wow,” Connor said shocked and intrigued.


	2. Zoe is here now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared likes SU (me too, bruh)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okiieeeee sooo this is a real short chapta, also Jared now has a sister, cuz I said so

Connor woke up groggily. He sat up in his bed and yawned. He tucked his long hair behind his face. It struck him that he had that “date” with Jared and Evan. He groaned, “Ugh, Jared.” As Connor said his name, he hears a  _ ding.  _ Connor squits at his bright phone.

 

**Random Number:** hey bby, u up? 

 

**SadnGay:** who is this?

 

**Random Number:** the insanely cool Jared Kleinman

 

**SadnGay:** did Evan give you this number?

 

**InsanelyGay:** you betcha babe

 

**SadnGay:** stop calling me that

 

**InsanelyGay:** sowwy uwu, pwease fowgive me >‿‿◕ 

 

**InsanleyGay:** uwu

 

Connor sighed, “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” he shouted.

 

“Doing what?” Zoe Murphy, Connor’s sister yelled from the other room. 

 

“I’m going on a date.” He called back.

 

“With whom?” She exchanged

 

“Evan and Jared.” This could go on forever. Zoe came into his room.

 

“I’m very impressed, but if you just so hurt that boy, you will- er, um, something will happen.” And with that, she marched out.

 

_ Time skip cuz this is my life, also a Jared 3rd person POV _

 

“We are the crystal gems, hmm hmm hm,” Jared sang mutteringly. “This bitch (Connor. Connor is the bitch) better pick me up and take me somewhere.” 

_ Doorbell sound _

 

“Hi, I’m here to pick up your brother.” 

 

“Jared! Some like, 6’ft tall boy is here for you!” Jared’s sista called out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was short, her Jared's sister is named Noah, if ya didn't read the tags


	3. I can't write long chapter, don't know how y'all do it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay, so, here. also, we don't even get to the date yet. so, sowwy uwu.

“I’m here to pick up your brother,” Connor said nervously at the tallish girl.

 

“Jared! Some like, 6’ft tall boy is here for you!” Jared’s sister called out.

 

“I’ll be down in a mINUTE!” He yelled back.

 

“So,” the girl turned back to Connor, “you’re gonna take out my lil bro? Does Evan know? Where are you taking him? And was he being a little shit when he asked you out?” The pink haired lady rambled.

 

“Uhh”

 

“Oh, also I’m Noah!” Noah’s face shifted to a welcoming smile, “now as for my questions, answer them!”

 

“Uh, okay. Yes, yes, he’s taking  _ me  _ out, also kinda.” He gave a weak smile. With that, Jared came running down the stairs. He was wearing a t-shirt with a cat wearing glasses in space. (*Author’s note: I only put this shirt in because I was wearing this shirt at the time) Over the cat shirt lay an open red flannel, he wore some plain jeans. Connor’s eyes enlarged at the sight of the attractive boy.

 

“Are you ready, ya stupid bitch,” Jared smirked, Noah left the two. 

 

_ This is a change of POV, to Evan getting ready, I need to tell you this or I won’t feel right (it’s my anxiety) _

 

“Okay,” Evan said to himself, “y-you’re going on a d-date with two cute b-boys, you can do thi-this.” He sighed and stepped into the shower. The warm water felt nice on his skin. He liked the feeling of his hair getting soaked, the fluid dripping from his locks onto his face. The boy cried the most in the shower and the rain. He did this so no one, nor sometimes himself, noticed he was crying. He washed his body. (*I’m not putting that in because I have no idea about the male anatomy. This is because I am an n/b lesbiam. Also, it’s gonna be real awkward writing) He squeezed some soap into his hand and slopped it onto his hair. The short boy watched the suds fall down into the drain. Some of the soap got into his eyes. It stung. He could feel his eyes reddening. His hands cupped some water, splashed it onto his face. He put some conditioner in his hair to soften it. 

 

He shut the water off, grabbing his towel. He ran the cloth through his hair, fluffing it. Evan found some clothes in his closet. “Okay,” he said, “I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, why is writing hard, I mean I like it. but whatever


	4. date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so, yeah, finally the stupid date! enjoy! or don't, i don't care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeeeesssss I’m back from the dead. Finally, they can go on that stupid fucking date. Also, i changed my idea of Jared taking Con-con out, i swapped. Sowwy uwu   
> . .  
> )-(

Connor opened the door to his car, “M’lady,” he said like the good dude he is.

 

“Thank you, kind sir, for you are a gentleman.” Jared went on, “So, where are you taking me?” the insanely cool boi said. He huffed.

 

“Don’t huff at me, first of all; second of all, I’m gonna pick up Evan,” he retorted, (*a/n, that’s a weird word, retorted, lol) “Also, you’ll see.”

 

“Yep! I knew it! You’re gonna murder me! Slow and painful? Quick ‘n easy?” J-rad stuck his tongue out.

 

“I’m not gonna  _ murder _ you (*read that like John Mulaney’s  _ “I’m not gonna rape you, I’m a little boy.  _ [ _ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pftxSfWH3s _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pftxSfWH3s) _ ,  _ It’s at 2:44 _ ” _ ), but I’m also not gonna tell you where we’re going, plus I’m goin’ in to get Evan. You can come if you want.” Jared realized the car hadn’t been moving for the last two minutes.

 

_ Like, 5 second time skip _

 

“Hey, Ms. Hansen,” they said, simultaneously.

 

“Evan! Connor and Jared are here,” She yelled, “Also, please, Heidi is fine.”

 

“I’m sure she is,” Connor said without thinking, “huehehe, (*Yamato Maya’s Laugh).”

Evan came downstairs, grinning, making his boyfriend and other possible boyfriend blush. “So, w-where are-are we going?”  Evanescence said as they made their way out.

 

“Connor won’t fucking tell us!” Jared threw his arms up in frustration. (*You deh fans know where he’s taking them) The bois stepped into (*the sun) the car. 

 

“The Orchard,” He said focusing on the road.

 

“Why?” (*Jared probs says this)

 

“Why  _ not?”  _

 

“I have nothing snarky to say,” Everyone in the vehicle chuckled. 

 

“Can I put some music?” Jared whined.

 

“Fine, but not too loud.” Jared played his  _ special  _ playlist. Which just consists of BanG Dream music. 

 

So there they were, two gay dudes, one bi guy, all jamming to Hanazono Denki Guitar!!! (*an amazing song, listen to it,  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3pKb2C5HCQ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3pKb2C5HCQ) ), on their way to an abandoned apple orchard. 

 

_ Did someone say ‘timeskip?!’ _

 

At last, they had finally made it, they had to climb over this fence, for reasons that the damn author won’t state. 

 

“I’ve never climbed that high before!” Jared said mocking John Mulaney. (*as you can see, I love that man very much, [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dbJHppgrHc ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dbJHppgrHc) , 3:12)

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatevs.” Connor hoisted Jared over. 

 

“I could’ve done it myself,  _ thank you _ .”

 

“Do ya need help, Ev?”

 

“Yeah,” he said shyly, cuz, you know when the kid you think is cute is about to throw you over a fence, you get flustered. 

“Jared, catch,” Connor threw a basket over, Jared barely caught it. The tallest got himself over fine. 

 

“What-what’s in there?” Blue boi asked.

 

“Foods,” Pale boi simply responded.

 

“Sooo, like a picnic?” The smol boi asked.

 

“Yea.”

 

******

 

The bois sat down and ate their lunch. 

 

Sooo, not really sure how to end a non-oneshot, but, er, uh, END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoooo! i did it! honestly, im proud!

**Author's Note:**

> Sup birch trees. I did it. I hate myself. But hey, you read it. Hmm? You didn’t have to. I guess I didn’t have to write it. Eh, whatever. I don’t really care, but I still wanted to write it. This was my first legit fic. It was kinda short. Sorry. It was actually really fun to write. I’ll prob make more in the future, fics, that is.


End file.
